What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 05:14
I think the readers, may guess!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
How do you view men and women who cheat?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What did i know ?
What do bad boys know that nice guys don't?
She loved him until the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Is dating in college necessary? Why and why not?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So, i spoilt her more .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do I sometimes hear full conversations when I am alone?
I was scared of men, in general
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do you remember one day, you put a deep smile on someone's face and made them very happy?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Put me off passion for life!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do good-looking men date homely women?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Is Tinder the best dating app?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The solar system as we know it may change forever - Notebookcheck
I couldn’t, believe it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What is your favourite summer outfit? Why?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was very sick at this time too.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i lived it daily.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My family never makes their pension either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Was to survive, this bastard.
All the time i was locked up.
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She married twice! .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When she asked me how she looked .
This is soul school!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I don,t even have a pension.
She wouldn,t have been !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot live in the past .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I have no regrets .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it wasn’t much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It was going to be , some day.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She found it foreign!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We were not on the streets..
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Comes on , in middle age.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was in good health!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
We all went to grammer schools
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Would this be the day?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ive learnt so much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Who then, do I blame.?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I waited trembling.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.